mom driving her kid to warped tour
remember swine flu reblog if ur a tru 2009 kid
People were practically drinking hand sanitizer during that shit
i really hate the attitude a lot of men have about how women are so different and mysterious and hard to understand, as if women are some kind of foreign species and not fellow human beings and then complain about women being unapproachable and ‘prude’
you don’t get to put me on a pedestal and then complain about me being out of reach
"you don’t get to put me on a pedestal and then complain about me being out of reach”
I’ve never heard wiser words.
motherfucker what is this shit, sand? fuck sand. i hate sand. thanks, mom. thanks for absolutely nothing, leaving me here on this fucking beach, is that a fucking seagull? oh my god, mom, you suck more than anything has ever sucked. i’m getting to that ocean just so i can urinate on your carapace. i’m gonna urinate on it so hard. fucking sand. i think five of my brothers just got eaten. good, i hated those assholes. i’m coming, mom. you’ve got blood on your flippers, bitch.
Slow down, grab the wall
Wiggle like you trying to make yo ass fall off
So I just found out that to be an astronaut you can’t be under 5’2” and this is BULLSHIT I never wanted to be an astronaut until I found out I couldn’t and now I feel like a dream has been crushed fuck you NASA
i don’t want to live in a world where we can’t launch danny devito into space
"when women wear makeup they’re basically lying to us" well i don’t see why i’m being blamed for a man stupid enough to really think i have red and gold eyelids
I hear my mom shrieking downstairs, shouting up to me about “THE CATS! THE CATS!”
I run downstairs, thinking someone has died or something and see THIS:
I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO PUNCH SOMETHING TO GET OVER THE ADORABLENESS